I am a teenager.
I haven’t spoken about it before now because I wanted to have just one space where my writing wasn’t read through the prism of my youth – or, rather, older people’s ideas of what young people are like. I have spent far too much of my short life responding to ‘did you really write this yourself or did someone help you?’ or ‘this is good… for someone so young’ or ‘you’ll change your mind about that when you grow up a bit’. I would like my writing to be judged on its own merits, not on older people’s silly ideas about how a teenager can write.
But it’s irritating to keep modifying references to my own experience in order to keep up with people’s expectations, or to escape the contempt so many display towards younger folk. And there are some things I would like to speak about but can’t without bringing age into it. Whether it’s race, disability, or some other part of the way one goes through the world, it’s a difficult thing to keep setting aside bits of oneself. It’s not fun to make myself go into pieces for the reasons I have been, and I have found myself to be compromising my integrity.
Anyway, it’s been an interesting experiment, especially the reactions when I out myself to readers, something I initially wasn’t going to do but, well, it’s a bit difficult not to when you’re meeting someone in person! Speaking of which, thank you for the kindness those of you who have known about this have displayed to me, particularly in continuing to treat me with respect and in keeping this under wraps. But the experiment is over now, and that’s a relief.
If it’s a surprise to you that I’m a teenager, maybe this would be a good opportunity to examine what assumptions about the blogosphere, who writes and on what topics and so on went into that. If I lose some authority or respect in your eyes because of my age, that is your problem.
I would appreciate it if no one now makes comments to the effect of ‘you write like you’re much older’ or ‘you’re very mature for your age’. I have put up with enough of that patronising rubbish regarding my writings here and elsewhere. I realise these comments are kindly meant, and at times I get a kind of pleasure out of them. I’ve thanked people for them, even though sometimes through gritted teeth. And I’m sure many other young writers experience such comments differently, but for me they contain some very harmful ideas about what young people can be. As though we have little of merit to say and we’re not good at saying it, as though young people are not part of the community of writers, as though anyone who fits your perceptions of an older norm is exceptional or ideal or better. I do not write well for my age, in the same way I do not write well for my race or my gender. I write what I write because I love to, and because I care about the world; if I write “well” that’s because it’s something I’m good at and it’s something I’ve worked hard at. That’s not age specific. Sure, with age comes more experience and practice, but I’d rather it not be the major lens through which people read my work, besides which those things manifest differently from person to person. This is the first time in my life I’ve been able to write outside of that box. And it has felt fantastic. But I think it would be better to write as myself on my own terms.
I didn’t want to talk about age because I wanted to be respected for my writing. But now I want to use my voice as fully as possible, and I am not going to let other people’s expectations inhibit me. I think that is quite as valuable as the work I’ve done. This way I can take a fuller pride in myself. And should your view of my writing change for the worse because of my age, I don’t care to have your respect.
Thanks for sharing that, Chally. I, for one, am not a teenager – far from it. Yet, your writing has interested me a great deal and I’ve learned from you and I do hope to be able to continue doing so in the future.
Online, one nearly always has to hide parts of who one is to be able to get ones message through. There are lots of things that I hide because they’re not pertinent, but were they known, people could/would consider my contribution in a different light because of it. However, when something that you’ve had to hide starts detracting from your ability to write or from the pleasure you get from it, that’s when one needs to think about not hiding it any more. I guess that’s part of what led you to write this post today.
I look forward to continuing reading your work. You’re one of the bloggers I respect the most and I do hope you understand that I continue to see you in that light. Your age doesn’t affect how I feel about your writing (apart from feeling slightly jealous that you’re so much younger than I am! :))
Thanks for sharing, as I said. That was brave because opening up about oneself always is. Now, keep on writing this great stuff, please? :)
You are marvelous and brave. And a wonderful writer by any standard, I should think.
*applause*
Wonderful, Chally.
Each person should be measured on the fullness of themselves, irrespective of age or whathaveyou. Being a teenager no more makes your writing or your person less credible than being any other age (at least, in my eye), but it is the experience, the person, the little bits of you that make up you, and what you bring to the table.
I have known teenagers who have served in the military who have been more worthy of respect than some 40 or 50+ y/o people I know on the merit of their actions, and I have known those who will take a few years to round out yet (or, there was me, thrown into adult situations very young and having to react). Each person is unique based on the circumstances of their personhood.
You are no different, and I have known nothing else. You are an amazing person, a fantastic writer who cuts to the quick of things, a brilliant mind, a quick wit, and a dear friend.
Your age affects none of those things. It is simply another facet of who you are. And even having been on the ‘inner circle’ I always forgot, because it just didn’t matter. You were always just Chally. There was no reason for it to matter. Age is a number.
Like the song says “Take me baby, or leave me”.
*applause*
You’re the same awesome Chally you always were, so, uh, keep being awesome. You really have it together—which people always think is an age thing, and it often comes with age, but it really isn’t, not necessarily. FWIW, I look up to you.
It must have taken a lot of courage to put this out there. I don’t get so much crap due to my age as I used to (I’m 24) and even that’s mostly due to the fact I have a kid and therefore must be “more mature” or something. You’re right, your age makes no difference to you as a person or your abilities as a writer/blogger/feminist/everything else. And like Tlönista, I look up to you a great deal.
All of the above.
When you are in a community where hostility towards teenagers is openly applauded, it takes courage to out yourself.
And it is indeed an internal problem if someone’s perspective or opinion on you has suddenly changed because of a number. You are still the same totally awesome Chally, doing the same totally awesome things, and I for one am really excited that I get to hear more of your voice.
I’ve always looked up to you as well; you are one of my favourite bloggers for the purity of your voice and convictions, for your ability to see through other eyes, and for the strength of your belief.
<3
I remember the “You write so well for your age” stuff from when I was first active online as a teenager in like 2002 or 2003. In realitt, it was “You write so well for a disabled person”, since people (at the Dutch blogging site I used at the time) mostly read me for my disability-related posts, and my other posts were pretty much the stereotypical teenager blogging.
I also remember having my age used against me in debates. Like, I was active in politics at the time, and people who opposed my view would go “Oh you’re only 16 [and from Europe], so obviously you don’t know anything about the Iraq war, “family values”, or whatever was under debate.
It’s just so hard to consider a person on their own merits, isn’t it? We all change and grow through our whole lives, and we all do it differently and it isn’t necessarily a monotonic improvement.
It literally starts at birth – milestones, comments about being very X for your age. It carries on right through childhood into adulthood – 7 year olds can’t cross roads, 12 year olds can’t look after younger children, 16 year olds don’t have enough understanding to have a valid political view, 25 years olds are too self centred, 35 year olds are too obsessed with their careers, 45 year olds have mid-life crises… etc.
I have known 12yr olds I wouldn’t trust with to look after a pizza, and 12 yr olds quite capable of caring for my kids. It’s not about how old a person is, it’s about who they are. Sure, there are physical development issues, but everyone lives those differently, so they tell us very little about the person standing (or writing) in front of us.
So I understand why you kept it to yourself, but I also think it’s great that you’re able to be more fully yourself in your own space.
Hi, de-lurking to say, as someone who used to get this a lot when I was a kid (such a mature writer for your age, and so forth) that I agree that this kind of discourse, though kindly meant, can be very damaging! I remember when I was twelve and my teacher told me a story I’d written was “extraordinarily mature” or somesuch, and then some other time that my behaviour was very mature, I told her that I didn’t want to be mature, which shocked her. I didn’t have the ability at the time to explain why. For one thing, it was isolating and made other people suspicious of me, I wasn’t a proper kid. For another thing, the so-called “maturity” of my behaviour was related only to extreme inhibitions caused by my nascent mental illness and acute anxiety of any kind of classroom situation. If sitting there in terror looks to a teacher like maturity, that’s a problem. A bit OT, but I just wanted to add to what you’ve said here about the problematic nature of these kind of age-related judgments.
Total respect, Chally. I love what you write and the voice you use, and if you feel like hiding your age has limited some of the topics you can write/how you explore them, then I am excited to hear what you have to say in the future.
I am now wondering at my own assumptions, too, in assuming you were older than I am.
Thank you so much for writing this. I relate to this so much. You are awesome.
It pisses me off that people are so patronizing and hostile towards teenagers. Whenever I dare to voice my opinion, they’ll tell me that I’m naive and too idealistic or that I don’t know enough about the subject. And I don’t know how many times I’ve heard ‘you’ll change your mind about that when you grow up a bit!’
Chally: <3 <3 <3 <3
You're made of brave and awesome, and always have been.
Thank you for writing this. I really struggled about whether I wanted to disclose my age when I began blogging and it’s good to hear from some else going through something similar.
My brain’s too drained to be coherent right now (I tried, I really did), but know that you’re awesome, and you always have been, and coming out as a teen is brave, but doesn’t make your fabulous writing or thinking any more remarkable. Because you’re just that cool, not “for a teen”, but because you’re you.
Fucking brave of you to come out as a teenager in a world that constantly belittles and dismisses the experiences of young people.
You’re made of win. :-)
Darn, I was sure I’d commented here earlier today, must have got distracted by a house full of kids and clicked away without submitting. I think I said something along the lines of well done and enjoy the freedom from self-editing!
I came back to tell you there’s a little something waiting for you over at my place :-)
Wow, quite a post. I’m looking forward to the posts where you get to explore aspects you’ve felt self-censoring on in the past then.
Anne Frank was between 14 and 15 years old when she wrote one of the most well-respected texts in modern literature. After that, I’m surprised and a little disturbed that in your experience, revealing you are a teenager is still something that potentially diminishes your credibility as a writer.
In my opinion, a good text is a good text.
this changes nothing, you still rock
Your disclosure only makes me admire and respect you even more. Not because ‘oh she writes so well for a teenager’ but because of your integrity and authenticity.
It is an honor to get to know you just that little bit better, Chally.
Thank you for this post, Chally
Amanda Baggs of Ballastexistenz wrote a piece called Let’s Play Assumption Ping-Pong! about how say, Person A fill in the gaps in their knowledge about Person B, and then gets angry at Person B for “misleading” them when Person A’s assumptions about them turn out to be wrong.
I think I missed this post in the general January haze. I think one of the things that I enjoy most about the internet is that it brings me into contact and meaningful conversation with people whom I’m might never have had the chance to talk to otherwise, due to their preconceptions, or mine.
I felt exactly the same way as you do when I was a teenager. Fortunately, I also had some folks around me who also respected me for who I was. I’ve really enjoyed reading you here and on Feministe… your work is very thought-provoking.
i only just found your blog, via your recent entry on feministe. i’m not a teenager, but i once was one who always got the same kinds of comments. it was frustrating, even when i knew it was meant as a compliment. at 31, i STILL get the patronising “oh, you’ll grow out of that when you’re older/have kids/whatever”. it’s no less annoying now than it was at 13-19. so, thank you for sharing. and thank you for writing. it’s important to have your voice both because you’re a teenager, and regardless of that fact.
Please click on the website that I linked above. The National Youth Rights Association could really use a member like you.
Thanks Jessica, but I’m not in the United States. :)
Everyone else… just, thanks. :D
Not all our online forum members, or even our paid members, are from the US. I know of at least one member from the UK, and while I don’t know anyone from Australia, I haven’t been active on the forums in a while and there very well may be someone else. Either way, you’d be very much welcome.
Well that’s most kind! :)
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