I find that people often treat the line between othering and acknowledging difference as a fine one. It’s not.
I’ve had the experience, particularly as a non-white women when among white women, of mentioning race issues, to be met with pregnant silence, and then a flood of questions. They care, they want to include one, they want to show a polite interest, they do. They’re just not sure how to do that without making one shrink into the role of a sentient encyclopedia. That’s where it tips over from acknowledging difference into othering.
I favour, well, treating people like people: complete human beings rather than information mines on a particular, socially marginalised aspect of who they are. And that approach to wholeness is key to, rather than mere inclusion, integration. Because we have whole lives and are whole people, and that’s how our conversations should run.
So, in my ideal conversation, when a person brings up something relevant to their marginalised existence when with people who (mostly) do not share it, they are not met with lots of questions or awkward silence. They are met with a continued flow of conversation that acknowledges and integrates what they’ve said and who they are even as it moves past the moment.
I’ve had far too much of ‘your culture is fascinating’ and ‘what happens to you with your disability?’. When someone shares something of their life with you, that is a kindness, and not something to be met with head pats or intrusion. And it’s not a time to position difference as lying with that individual person, making them uncomfortable, rather than in the space between people. Making people welcome and included means making people welcome and included, not shoving in a sidebar about a particular part of them.
And that’s why, when acknowledging difference on a broader scale, it needs to be about integrating people as whole people, not slotting in lip service to difference. You can’t do women’s issues and then non-white people’s issues, say, because you’re fundamentally misunderstanding that non-white women embody more than one thing at one time. You’re seeing slices, issues, and you’re doing it incompletely. Acknowledging difference means recognising the need to acknowledge it before it becomes painfully apparent, and recognising the need to treat othered people as people rather than fact sheets or awkward protuberances.
Othered lives and people are as full and complex as anyone else(‘s), after all.
Hmm maybe you need to think more about what is shared with others rather than that which is different.
That’s routinely been used as an excuse to only address the concerns of those with the least problems to address. People deserve respect, no matter whether they share a lot or a little.
Well what end point are you seeking here?
do you want to see a society that is blind to race and ethnicity. Or one that is forever nurturing various grudges about the accidents of history?
Until we can raise above the resentments of history aren’t they destined to continue?
I don’t want a society that ignores ethnicity, because ethnicity is such an important part of people’s identities. Rather, I want a society that treats all people as equal. Racism is not accidental, and it’s continuing rather than purely historical. Ignoring how racism has historically functioned and how it continues to function is pretty sure to make it continue. Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away: acknowledging it and working through it does.
I want equal treatment as well Chally but also I don’t want to be blamed for things that I am not personally responsible for
I didn’t blame you for anything.
A couple of moderation notes: I’m going to be away from my computer for much of the day, and I will not publish any further comments that do not strictly relate to the topic at hand.
Ahem, I’m guessing this would also apply with het partnered people discussing relationships with queer people too. *goes off to apologise* Thank you Chally for once again taking the time to 101.
@Iain – if it’s not about you, it’s not about you. Simple as that.
These raise a perspective I hadn’t thought of before, and it is good to be reminded that not everyone thinks like I do :-) I would tend more towards wanting people to ask questions…to me, this shows that they see that they are ignorant about some things, and want to change it. Obviously that shouldn’t transition into treating someone as an “information mine on a particular, socially marginalised aspect of who they are”, but I think some questions are good. Do you agree? where do you think the line is?
Yeah, Kez, I do agree that questions can be good. I guess the line is an individual one, which is why it’s probably appropriate to only ask this stuff of people who you know well enough to know their boundaries.
It is a fine line. I love my culture and gladly discuss aspects of it with people. However I dislike having my responses other me in that moment. When people compare their ‘stereotypical’ view of my culture with all the ways I don’t reflect it. Gah we are varied, there is no monolithic culture and no I don’t represent all of my people.
Ah, good point, Chally. Thanks.