This is the seventh and final part in a series in which I open up about living with chronic illness. Here are part one, part two, part three, part four, part five and part six.

Dear Recovery,

I thought I was coming to find you. It’s been almost four years since my downturn and it’s only in the last few months that I’ve come to accept that we won’t be meeting anytime soon.

It’s disappointing. Not as disappointing as it was, and it’ll get even better in time.

The big thing is the switch in focus. I’ve been in denial. Now that I’m on the way to accepting myself as “one of them”, in it for a good while yet, (if it ever stops) I can think about changing my approach.

I’m going to take care of myself now, not keep my eyes on a future with you.

So, this isn’t goodbye. It’s so awful that we’ve come to this. But there’s hope for us in the future, which is a chance many people don’t have.

I’d say ‘All the best,’ but I’m saving that for myself.