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2.

Forgiveness is a habit I’ve never quite developed.

I don’t know what letting go looks like. I don’t know how to both harness my anger and let it go. I don’t know how to change my way of being.

I don’t know how to heal myself.

– – – –

1.

When you run out of spare parts, energy reserves, little mechanisms for coping, misdirection, grand internal structures of protection, there’s no way to hold tight and wait for things to get better. You start to scrape out the barrel bottom of your soul.

What does healing look like, what does communication look like, what do living and loving look like when you’ve got nothing, nothing at all?

– – –

4.

It’ll get better, soon, soon, but when? And what will my life be like?

Somehow I still have hope, faith.

3.

That’s where I am right now.

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