A disability version of Answers I love to/hope to one day give.
Q: What’s wrong with you?
A: The fact that I hang around with ableists like you.
Q: What’s your disability?
A: My business.
Q: You’re looking so much better, aren’t you?
A: I like to think I’m becoming a better person all the time. Glad it’s showing!
Q: Can they fix you?
A: You mean what can they fix me, like for lunch? I’d like a salad with awesome sauce, if there’s any left over from making me.
Q: [Intensely personal question]
A: Please, let me inquire as to all the intimate details of your life.
Q: So do you have sex?
A: Not with you.
Q: How did you get that way?
A: I’m glad you asked. It’s a long story. [Pick one of the following and go for it!]
- Back on the space station in ’89, I had just discovered the existence of…
- I was designing carpets for television talk shows at the time…
- I ordered a new jacket out of a catalogue actually, but they sent me this instead! It’s funny, really…
- While tracking down manufacturers of obscure bathroom tiles, as was my hobby back then…
- It was just an ordinary day. I was in bed, dreaming about strawberry milkshakes, when a really big milkshake started to speak to me…